Anton (South Africa)

I am 30 years old and grew up in a Christian household, not very devout mind you. My dad was a rocker and Media-whizz, mom was a PR pro and off to church on Sundays we'd go! Not so much to save our souls, I think, as to show face and see the congregation show off their new fancy cars/wives/kids etc. (this was Waterkloof NG Kerk).

My first misgivings started in primary school (very Afrikaans) when the parents/teachers decided "He-Man" figures were from the Devil and should be burnt! There was a mass burning (surprise surprise!) and the congregation was justified because green flames arose (the Devil escaping) ... plastic perhaps??? Anyway I refused to part with my toys as I liked them and had invested quite a bit of my allowance into acquiring them. My parents being liberal just laughed off this nonsense but I was labelled a "Devil's Child" from then onwards. It became worse, when at the end of the 5th grade I discovered Metallica and my initiation into the Metal scene started! Obviously I was ostracised from the get-go and the "Devil's Child" moniker just became more inflated. I still went to church on the odd occasion and fully believed myself to be Christian. I even prayed occasionally.

By the time High School started (Afrikaans Seuns Hoër) I was deeply into my Metal and all the various occult trappings this entailed but still believed in Jesus. But this is where doubt started creeping in. My dad was a bibliophile and owned a mini library, a treasure-trove of fiction and non-fiction. A lot of the books could be described as subversive! I started reading books about the origins of Christianity and even the Apocrypha.

Then one day in the 9th grade I was summoned into the Principal's office for writing Black Sabbath on the back of an exam paper accompanied by a vampire-looking figure. I was told that I'm not a Christian and could not worship two gods at once (i.e. God and Metal). I argued bitterly, saying I was a Christian! But when I got home that day, I sat and thought long and hard ... I claimed to be a Christian but loved Metal (bands like Slayer, Sepultura, Pantera et al. all with very anti-religious sentiments). I didn't pray, I hated church, I had come to believe that if Jesus bin Yeshua ever existed he was but a man - not a divine being. Then it hit me: I was being a hypocrite! I renounced Christianity immediately.

Admitting you were a non-Christian in a conservative Afrikaans school was not a very pleasant experience. I mistakenly thought everyone would approve that I didn't claim to be something I was not. Big mistake but it had been the right choice. Many scuffles ensued, both physically and theologically.

I searched for other religions which would suite me better but came to the profound realisation that they are all the same in the end. You just swap one set of demons for another! You have to deny your Humanity and grovel and try to attain a state of grace. Then one day I read an interview with Phil Anselmo (Pantera's vocalist), he said you shouldn't conform to a religion but rather create one that fits in with what you want. I tried that but realised the cleverness behind that statement. If you have the power to create religion then it is essentially Null and Void.

From that day forth I was without religion.

It was not an easy path to choose but I'll always be glad for choosing it and sticking to it.

In the beginning it brought a lot of pain and heart-ache: "Sorry I can't be your friend/girlfriend because you are not Christian" etc. I seriously thought of lying about my view points and tried it once, but felt so betrayed by myself that I swore I would never hide the fact that I was non-religious ever again. I think it was Voltaire who said: "Above all else, to thine own self be true".

I now play in a metal band that is known as one of the most outspoken about the evils of religion. In 2007 we organised and hosted "Rock Against Religion" and our new album deals directly with the Judeo/Christian/Islamic abomination in all its gory glory!