Genevieve (South Africa)

All my life I have been subjected to a very Christian view. Not that I blame my mother for raising me this way because this was where she had found her peace.

I went from church to church believing in an invisible God I was told to believe in as a child. I thought a child would believe and not question anything! Blablabla. Since having a child of my own I have learned that children question everything.

I never truly found any sort of peace in all these churches. Never in the Methodist church. Never in the Catholic church. Not even in paganism where I thought the idea was the same as Christianity except that you cast spells which is sort of like prayer (another invisible non- existent force). And certainly not in the “happy clappy” church which, it seemed to me, was only out to raise as much money as possible for their own personal gain. I now realize that people in churches are often way more judgmental than the average atheist, in spite of their claim that judgment should only come from God.

Yet still for 28 years I hoped and prayed, and cried and begged this God to love little old pathetic me and give me the means to improve my life. I don’t think I have ever been more depressed and negative than I was back then. Nothing worked out, life was just not worth it, relationships never lasted. I even developed a bad relationship with my son because I spent too much time running after redemption, forgiveness and all the promises religion gave, and not enough time with him.

Then one day I met someone who has since become a very close friend. He challenged me on each and every statement I made until I eventually realized that religion had no answers for me. He challenged me to take responsibility for my actions and to "stand my man" if you will.

It was a slow process and breaking the religious routine was far from easy. I had to unlearn every little habit I had picked up during a lifetime in churches, and re-think all I had been comfortable with.

It is now almost two years later and I have become a more driven, more loving, more successful and happier person. A woman at peace. And best of all I now have a fantastic relationship with my son because I am now enjoying more quality time with him than before. Things happen because I make them happen, I work for things and they come my way. I believe in myself. I am the master of my own destiny. No more blame shifting, no more tears. I don’t even ask, "Why me?" as I did before because I have made peace with who I am. I also find myself to be 100% adequate for the task of living, which is a welcome contrast to how I had been told in the past that I would NEVER be good enough.